No Place Like Home for the Holidays

I know that I have often whined about my hatred of flying but you are the ones who keep coming back to the blog, so deal with it. I hate flying. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.

It's not as if anything new happened to me today in my journey from Jacksonville, Florida back home to KC. I just can't comprehend why no one was working today. The only answer received was, "it's the holidays". That's like going to a freaking retail store and no one is there to ring you up! You knew the job sucked when you took it! You knew you would have to work the holidays! Seriously, do you take a job in retail and then go, what? I have to work Christmas Eve - but I have shopping to do! There had to have been some other (god only knows what they are) perks to entice you into taking what is quite possibly the most thankless job on the freaking planet of gate check person. While I agree, your job sucks, it is still your job and I don't think people appreciate you taking out your hatred of said job on them. (Today I did not have the pleasure of experiencing the onslaught of meanness usually imposed upon me, but I was witness to others experiencing that joy).

Also, have you noticed how belligerant flight attendants have gotten about paying attention during their saftey briefing? I was on a United flight recently where the head flight attendant actually said, we are not going to take off until everyone takes out their saftey cards from the seat back pocket in front of them and follows along! Are you kidding me?! I'd like to hear what my odds are of surviving a plane crash in a water landing. I'd like to hear what my odds are of being able to calmly put on my floatation device prior to impact and ONLY THEN inflating it upon safely exiting the plane!

I recently watched a program on surviving a plane crash and they reviewed the number one reason why more people do NOT safely exit the plane after impact (i.e. survive), other than suffering from hysteria - because they can't remember how to unbuckle their seat belt! Apparently because all planes have the "insert the metal tab into the metal buckle" apparatuse and all of our cars have "push the red button to release the metal tab" apparatuse, no one can remember in times of SHEER PANIC how to lift up on the metal buckle! So, if they know this why aren't they modifying new planes with car-like seatbelts?

But I digress. Today, I was able to upgrade myself to First Class for the Dallas to KC leg. It is my policy to get the bulkhead window seat whenever possible, in spite of the tradeoff of having to stow my bags in the overhead bin, as I like being able to prop my feet up. I was surrounded by America's finest in uniform...5 Army kids. For those of you that may not know, I'm an Air Force brat...The Colonel took us all over the world and back again...I have serious respect for our men and women in uniform. And I won't turn this into a political rant to talk about how they are risking their lives for a stupid winless war...but again, I digress. These days people have a PC thing about thanking the troops. I've overheard (as eavesdropping is my favorite hobby) that some of them find it embarrassing, others like it, whatever. These guys behind me where making fun of the people who thanked them! AND! We all know I'm a HUGE potty mouth and am trying, unsuccessfully, to break my bad habit, but they were LOUDLY cursing! But I guess I should cut them some slack as I don't have RPGs flying at me on a daily basis.

Whew!!! On to more fun topics. It was my niece's first Christmas...poor kid, she was cutting her first tooth. So, not a happy Christmas Eve for The Peanut. But Mom and I had a good time playing with her, the dogs and the cats and hanging out with the brother and SiL. But, as always, so happy to be home.

BLOGGER SUCKS!!!!

ARGH!!!!! I was in the middle of what was quite possibly the BEST rant EVER only to have my entire post deleted!!!!!!!! I'm going to cry.

Screening my calls...

Christmas in Florida does not feel like Christmas. Granted, we have lived in some very strange places for Christmas in the past, like Japan, Phillipines, Hawaii...but for some reason, Florida just feels surreal and very tacky.

I'm at my brother and sister-in-law's for the Peanut's first Christmas and the poor thing is teething and having a rough day of it. But she's a trooper.

Update on the "Random John": HE CALLED ME AGAIN!!!! My cellie rings on Wednesday night as I'm trying to pack and the cats are freaking out because the suitcase is out and I answer the phone to the "do you know who this is"?! I FREAKING HATE THAT!!! If I knew who was calling, I would say, Hi So and So! I'm like, are you kidding me? So, I asked what happened with the "Other Leslie" and he says he couldn't ever get in touch with her - duh! That's what happens when you have the wrong phone number plugged in...then he says she's pursuing other matches. How is that possible when you are so memorable that you have to ask people when you call "do you know who this is"? So, he wants to take me to lunch on Thursday...BALLS! Seriously! What am I? A consolation prize? Random Leslie is better than Other Leslie?

Now, I'm not going to answer my phone unless I do recognize the number.

Merry Christmas Eve.

Any Random Leslie Will Do

Last night my cellie rings and I don't recognize the number, but it's local, so I answer it anyway. It's a man's voice and he says, Leslie? I say, hello. He says, Do you know who this is? I HATE THAT! I'm like, uh, no. He says, this is John. Okay, hi John.

I am racking my brain trying to figure out who the hell John is. I'm on a few dating sites, I've got a guy coming in to paint part of the house, I've got snotty attitude candidates who call me on my cell phone all the time - this "John" could be anyone!

So, we chat awkwardly for about 4 or 5 minutes. And he's talking to me as if we spoke just yesterday. He then says, so was your date on Saturday night a "love match". I didn't have a date on Saturday night. He says, that's what you told me when we were out on Friday night. I was at a concert on Friday night. Is this Leslie ____? No, it's not! HA HA HA!

Long story short, I must have given this guy my phone number a long time ago and we never ended up going out...but THEN! He tries to make it into a DATE CALL! I'm like, uh uh - you called me by mistake buddy!

Then, he claims it must have been me who dumped him. I'm like, I don't even remember who the hell you are - much less do I remember dumping you! Seriously! What are the odds?

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Concert - the Wreckers

I dragged my friend Megan with me to see this country duo, the Wreckers, perform on Friday night. Hence I was not out on a date with some random John. Random John...makes me sound like a hooker. Anyway, the concert was okay, but the people watching was the BEST!

There were quite a number of underage kids in there and one girl, if she was 21 I'm freaking Oprah Winfrey, was being held up by 2 bouncers as she puked into a trash bin. Poor thing. But seriously, it's not like we were at the type of concert where you would get hammered. I'm so old.

We finally get a table and chairs to sit at and we have prime view of the audience and a so-so view of the concert...and along walks in my Flaky Friend who dumped me on my birthday! I seriously can't believe it. I wanted to go up and say something to her, but didn't want to deal with drama and excuses and I didn't want to ruin my night either. So much for not having enough money to go out with me...but I think she was on a date. Her hair was in this strange up-do with two huge fake flowers on each side. She's tall enough to pull something like that off...maybe in the spring/summer...just seemed out of place in the dead of winter at a concert. But it did make it easy to find her in the crowd.

The Ribbon of Death

This is why I have pets: my goal is to inflict as much hilarious torture upon them every day. The stripedy boy is Beckham or Becks trying unsuccessfully to get the pink ribbon I have tied around his waist off. Hee!

And here is my very serious cat, The Fuji, watching Becks "act a fool".

I love my boys. Becks is my latest addition - he arrived in August - as The Fuji's brother Maru passed away 18 months ago. I was so worried about Becks and The Fuji...but this week there was a turning point as The Fuji has been getting his "licks" in and has even been playing by himself! Which I haven't seen in ages. But as soon as he saw me watching him play, he stopped and tried to act like he wasn't do anything. Too funny.

So overall, I think this transition has been good for him.

BTW - I hate blogger in that it won't let you move photos around, therefore the placement looks stupid.

Update on my teeth

After speaking with a few people last night and doing some thinking, I am getting a third opinion on my teeth. I spoke with my old dentist this morning and the last time I went in for a cleaning was in March of 2006 and they have no indication that anything was wrong. So over the course of less than 12 months, I go from no cavities to 12 cavities and potentially a consultation with a peridontist for gum recession?!

I'm very distressed and disappointed by this whole experience. I really hate to think of anyone taking advantage of their position as a doctor, so I have to think of it as one dentist being incredibly conservatively agressive in his treatments and the other very liberal. It's also hard because two of my good friends see this new guy and all of my other old colleagues see the old guy. Who to trust?

My old dentist offered for me to go back in and they would do a second opinion for free...or I may try to find a third dentist and just start over completely.

Although scarily enough, I did just have a dream recently (and I NEVER remember my dreams) of all my teeth falling out. Feels a bit too "woo woo" for me.

Dentist Schmentist

I went to the dentist today. Everytime I go to the dentist all I can think about is the movie Little Shop of Horrors with Steve Martin as the dentist...then I get that song in my head:

"You'll be a dentist. You have a talent for causin' things pain.Son, be a dentist. People will pay you to be inhumane."

It's a new dentist as I have new insurance. It's probably been longer than 6 months since my last cleaning. I've always had good teeth. I had quite the streak going there for a while, I had never had a cavity in my life until I was 33 and then I got 2. I was devastated. I pride myself on my smile, most people say it's my best feature and it's the first thing they notice about me.

So today I go to this new dentist that my friends Megan and Yolanda go to. It's very nice. Located down on the Plaza (KC's best shopping district). Upon arrival, you can choose between water, soda or juice for free if you like. Then, you can get your hands dipped in parafin wax, pick out music or a movie to watch while you get your teeth done. Then! Their chairs have massagers on them as well! I'm overwhelmed at this point as it's almost better than the spa treatment in Vegas I just paid for...only to have my bubble burst by the fact that apparently I have 12 - that's right - 12 freaking cavities!!!! Supposedly they are small, but 12?!!!! How did I go from having no cavities just 3 short years ago to then two and now to freaking 12?!!!! It's not like I go to sleep with freaking candy in my mouth!

Not only do I brush at least twice daily, but I ACTUALLY FLOSS unlike the majority of the population! And of course due to my insurance being completely ghetto - they will only pony up for silver fillings - which no dentists use anymore! So I have to pay the difference - on 12 freaking fillings!!!! AND, they want to do it all before the end of the year as you only have so much you can spend per year via insurance! So, there's $600 I hadn't planned on spending this year! Now I'm wishing I hadn't gone to Vegas! At least my airfare there was free - thanks to stinky Southwest.

So, I've decided to take tomorrow off as I'm going to be no good after getting around 1/2 the fillings done and then - Merry Christmas to me - I get to have the other 1/2 done when I get back from Jacksonville. Yay me!

The Sweet Stench of Southwest Airlines

Sent to me by my friend Nikki McMaster:

Holiday Advent Calendar

My favorite day is day 4 - Slingshot Santa.

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Vegas:

So we stayed at the Venetian. Very nice. The spa was good - not great, but good. Not to sound snobby, but for the amount of money and the fact that it is a Canyon Ranch branch (hee, that rhymes) I expected a lot more.

Went to see the "impressionist" Gordie Brown. 80% of his impressions were done to music - he was pretty good. There was nothing else playing that we hadn't already seen.

We did some shopping - or rather Sally did. I didn't really buy anything - gasp, shock, horror! I know...was a bit depressing. I got 2 Christmas gifts and a pair of shoes for me...but I don't really consider that shopping considering the number of stores we went to! We went to the outlet malls, the shops in the Venetian, the shops in Caesar's as well as the shopping mall! I'm kind of shopped out - but I'm sure I'll be over that by tomorrow.

We went to Tao, the famous Asian restaurant that also has a nightclub and the service was awful. We thought about going up to the nightclub, but the queue was so long it was ridiculous. And, Paris Hilton wasn't there, so clearly no point in going.

Yesterday was the Las Vegas Marathon. I swear, the amount of walking we did while shopping and up and down the strip - we walked 26.2 miles ourselves! There were all these crazy marathoners who ran that morning and then high tailed it to the airport to make afternoon flights.

I sat next to two very nice marathoners, but then one of them decided to put those "Ben-Gay" pads on his knees...stunk up the entire plane. Between that and the little girl behind me singing her ABCs at the top of her lungs and constantly getting stuck on the letter "G"...well, let's just say thanks for the noise reducing headphones. Too bad I didn't have any nose plugs.

Viva Las Vegas

So I'm off to Vegas tomorrow to check out the "beautiful babies, the beautiful babies" and "be so money that I don't even know it". I'm hoping for the total hook-up because I'm such a high roller on those nickel slots!

I'm all set to be a complete and total fettacini noodle the whole weekend. I can't wait for someone to beat the you-know-what out of me...massages should be mandatory, at least one a month, if not one a week!

I'm so excited! I'm staying at the Venetian - never stayed there and I've haven't even made it down to that end of the strip in all the times I've been before! I'm meeting my friend Sally there for the weekend. Between the two of us we've seen basically every single show possible! We even considered going to see the "nudie" Cirque du Soleil and it isn't playing! So we are going to see some impressionist name Gordie...should be interesting.

Check out where I will be - who needs to go to Italy!

Grudge Match

I'm watching a new show called My Boys on TBS. The new shows this season on the major networks haven't really been all that great. I couldn't get through the pilot episode of 30 Rock, yet for some reason am still watching Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. I was so mad at Aaron Sorkin when he took the greatest sitcom off the air, Sports Night, in favor of doing his self-righteous political platform pandering West Wing show. So I boycotted West Wing - totally showed him (cause the rating were so clearly hurt by my lack of watching). I think I decided to give him a chance again with Studio 60...which I like...but I'm just not sure how you can make a television show about making a television show life or death. Yet he manages to every week.

I also chose to boycott Lost because of JJ Abrams ruining the show Alias. I apparently hold quite the grudge.

I was watching Brothers & Sisters, but Ally McBeal (she will always be Ally McBeal) was getting on my nerves. And when they killed off Tom Skerrit - which you knew they would do by putting him in the credits as "Special Appearance" by Tom Skerrit...well, it was all over from there.

These days I'm watching Bones purely to support David Boreanaz of Angel. He will always be Angel, just as Sarah Michelle Geller will always be Buffy no matter how many awful horror movies she chooses to do.



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So as you know, I'm a recruiter. I only recruit candidates at the undergraduate level. We sent out our offers to our top kids and are in the process of getting their responses back, but after speaking with a number of these kids over the last few weeks I can safely say that I am very tired of snotty attitudes. That they are doing me a favor by accepting this job.

But, to lighten my spirits, I'm heading to Vegas (BABY) this weekend! I'm going to be a spa rat for the entire weekend. I can't wait!

Reality Bites

I joined a book club through this professional women's organization here in KC. I always feel stupid when I say "professional women's organization"...I feel like I'm in Romy and Michelle's High School reunion when they go into that diner ask for the "businesswoman's lunch special". But if I said Central Exchange, no would understand what that is.

Anyway on the book club. I love to read. But my favorite reading is trashy romance novels. This is not one of those book clubs. I'm all for reading the classics...but I also like to be entertained and not every single book you read has to have some deep message - sometimes it's raining because the author looked out her window and it was raining. So this past month we were to read 3 short stories by Truman Capote - he wrote 3 short stories about growing up in the South and they were set around the Christmas holidays. Appropriate for the month so we could discuss today.

I love these ladies. The discussion is always lively and 1/2 is about the book and the other 1/2 is about current events or just stories about their lives. 2 of the ladies run the book club and they are hard core. They take notes with every single book they read - almost as if they were book critics.

But I am disappointed with next months read: The Exodus by Leon Uris. Now I read the Exodus a long time ago - probably read it when I was too young to really understand it. But I am so not in the mood to read about political struggles in the middle east when I can just see the latest iteration on TV every night. Sigh...then one of the ladies had the "bright" idea of reading Jimmy Carter's book called Palenstine, Peace not Apartheid at the same time to compare. I'm like, compare what? Exodus is FICTION. It may be based upon actual events, but the people and the story itself are fiction! THEN! Someone else piled on and said we should also read Walking the Bible, Abraham's story.

I didn't realize that I joined a religious book club! I read and watch movies to escape reality. I watch Headline News with Robin and the Gang every morning because I only want 30 seconds of reality at a time. I don't want to dwell on the fact that nothing has really changed in the last 30 years in terms of middle eastern conflict. I hope we have lighter books on the list for 2007 otherwise I don't see staying with the book club.

Seduction Style?

I stole this from my sister-in-law who stole it from someone else. This is so not what I thought I would be...I question the accuracy of this quiz.

Holiday Newsletters

So, it turns out that MSNBC also believes the Holiday newsletters are awful!!! There is a huge article on it on the front page! http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15936354/

It's that time of year ... to brag about our kids
But are you really spreading holiday cheer with those Christmas letters?

Too funny! AND - would you believe that someone actually has a website devoted to how to write a tactful and entertaining holiday newletter? I would love to see all the hilariously outrageous ones. Reminds me of that scene in Legally Blonde when she gets into Harvard Law and they are all in a group going around the circle seeing who can one up each other.

My name is David Kidney.
I have a masters in Russian literature...
a Ph.D in biochemistry...
and for the last eighteen months...
I've been deworming orphans in Somalia.

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Also some of you may notice that I changed the template on my blog. It was in an effort to try to get back my menu bar at the top when I post a blog. That worked, but my links on the side are gone. Boo! I'm not exactly an HTML queen...so I'll have to figure out how I did that again.

Oh, and for those of you that are unhip like myself, the title of my previous post means: Far More Than You Ever Wanted To Know.

FMTYEWTK

So I am in the midst of writing my Christmas cards. Well, it's not as if I write very much. I'm not one of those people who does the newsletters either. You know the ones, that are written in 3rd person and they always manage to sound like they are just trying to keep up with the Joneses. Johnny just got into Harvard and Susie is getting married to a doctor!

I can't stand it when people speak in 3rd person. Like professional athletes. You know, when Shaq gets the ball, Shaq is gonna take it down the court and you know Shaq is gonna make it be what its gon be baby. It's weird.

The online dating sites are rampant with bad grammar (not that I am some wizard at it), misspellings of "eazy" words as well as writing in 3rd person. Leslie is a recruiter for a large corporation. She likes pina colada's and long walks on the beach. Which then leads you to believe she is incredibly easy and has a long term goal of being in Playboy.

Speaking of online dating. One of the steps in online dating is to Instant Message each other. I like to IM. I really miss being able to IM with my friends at my old job. Especially while on boring conference calls. But the problem with IM, if you don't already know the person is that tone, inflection and expression are at times completely lost or misunderstood. Also, I don't think I'm very hip on some of the abbreviations either. I get the easy ones: LOL - laugh out loud, BRB - be right back...but some of them, especially those that involve symbols, I'm lost. Like I get: TLK2UL8R - talk to you later. But this one? S^ - to mean S'up, or what's up. HELLO?! Have we really gotten to the point that we can't take the time to type out "what's up"?!!!

TTYL

Foiled by Blogger

So there I am typing away about something so incredibly important, whilst multi-tasking of couse, and my entire PC locks up. I try desperately to save my ramblings to no avail. This sucks. Now, I am back in blogger and the entire thing looks weird...now I have no ability to change the type of font I'm writing in, I can't add any photos...the entire upper menu bar is gone! Tres bizarre. Sigh.