Procrastination

One of my many talents is procrastinating. I am supposed to be "decluttering" my house to put it on the market and I don't want to. It's not like I have to pack the entire place up yet, but I just really don't want to do it. I guess it is the reality of decluttering that makes me realize I have to sell my house and start over somewhere.

I hate moving. Growing up we moved almost every year. I am a complete and total clutter bug. I LOVE my stuff and I like to have my stuff around me at all times. I don't like having to start over. I put my heart and soul into my home, from decorating, to renovating and more. It's my sanctuary - probably too much of one at times, but I love it.

I'm really scared about the future and the unknown. This latest experience of being laid off has completely sucked. I feel so helpless and out of control of my own life. There are days I just want to lay in bed and pull the covers over my head. I feel like people think I'm a big slacker and that I am not trying to find a job. It's frustrating when I talk with some people, especially old colleagues who say things like, oh I would love to have the time off - as if I'm on holiday. Clearly I'm out shopping all day long.

I've been lucky not to have to really worry about bills when I have a job. I'm not used to clipping coupons and having to make life decisions at the gas pump. With prices going up all over, it's scary to try to figure out how I'm going to make ends meet. I'm completely depressed. It's hard to keep my spirits up.

I think it's just really difficult as I'm doing all of this on my own. I don't mean to say that I'm alone, as I have my family and friends, but the decisions I make, right or wrong, are mine and mine alone to live with. This time last year, I thought I was making the right decision to take a new job...less than a year later, I'm unemployed. I still think it was the right decision at the time, but with hindsight being 20/20, it's hard not to second guess yourself.

You always hope you are making the right decisions. But what is right at the time may not end up being right in the future. I hate the uncertainty and the unknown. So I'm procrastinating so as to put off reality. Everything is changing and I don't know if those changes are for the better.

Clean Sheets

I've been working pretty hard to get my house in shape to sell. Since I'm exercising my inner domestic goddess I put clean sheets on the bed last night. The rule in my house is if you have clean sheets, you must have a clean body. What is it about clean sheets? I guess it's similar to pulling on jeans straight from the dryer in winter.

Update on my job search: well as I'm about to sell my home, it's not looking good. I am waiting to hear back from a company that flew me out to interview a little over 2 weeks ago. I hate waiting. The pickings are slim out there. More and more companies are laying people off. The economy seems like it's on a continuous downward spiral. The only bonus in my being laid off is not having to make the awful commute that I had as the price of gas is ridiculous as well as the bridge I used to cross the river is now under construction for the next 3 years.

Well, I'm off to watch the Price is Right.

Here Kitty Kitty

I love cats. I didn't grow up with cats, but I always wanted one. When I lived in Japan there was a stray that hung out at my friend's apartment. We named him Fat Paul. For a while we didn't see Fat Paul and were worried something had happened to him...he showed up a few months later looking worse for the wear and had become known as Skinny Paul.

When I moved to the heartland, I got two cats. One passed away and about 18 months later I decided Schmoopie needed a playmate, so I got Little Man. It is now almost 18 months since Little Man joined the family and he and Schmoopie are finally getting along...for the most part.

I have contemplated getting a third cat, however, I feel that would make me the scary crazy cat lady and have resisted. I have also resisted as it was so difficult getting Schmoopie and Little Man to like each other, I can't go through that again.

I saw this video and thought it was pretty hilarious as I too use the corporal cuddling method of punishing my cats - they hate it when I smoosh them and kiss them...yet they always seem to come back for more.

For Sale

As things are not going well with my job hunt, I've decided to move forward and put my house on the market. I'm totally bummed out as I L.O.V.E. my house. I have had a TON of work done on it and it is my cocoon. My realtor claims it will sell quickly even in this tragic of a market. I'm not sure what his definition of quickly is...most of my friends who've sold their homes (similar price ranges) have taken 5 - 6 months. I could probably stick it out for another few months...I don't know. I'm starting to FREAK out. The job market sucks and the housing market is worse. So please send positive thoughts my way.

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Okay, on another note, I'm a bit outraged by the Pope's comments regarding those molested by priests basically blaming it on US society's character! AND he "laments" US injustices against Black people and Indian people. Yes, I lament that as well, however does the Pope lament the Catholic Church's role in the Spanish Inquisition?! I'm positive we are not the only country to have priests taking advantage of boys and girls! At least today he finally met with the victims of abuse - which was not supposed to happen.

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So on a more positive note, I have managed to sell a few things lately. It makes me feel good to get rid of stuff, but also to potentially make a little money. I've never done a garage/tag/yard sale (whatever you call it in your world). I'm not sure if I like the idea of doing one. It seems like a ton of work for little profit, unless Niecy Nash from Clean House was running it! I'll probably just give more stuff to Goodwill.

Obsessions

I'm spending a considerable amount of time watching television these days. I know you are thinking how is that different from before? Well, let me explain, now I get to watch daytime TV because I have wireless and I can look for jobs while sitting in front of the TV. I definintely have a routine now.

I have to watch GMA in the morning. Followed by Regis & Kelly only because my other options suck. I can't stand Racheal Ray and I hate the Today show. I watch Regis & Kelly to fill the hour until my favorite daytime show, the Price is Right, comes on. I am so in love with Drew Carey. I think whoever cast him as Barker's replacement was a fricking genius! He is the anti-Barker. He wants everyone to win and is so funny. Sometimes I think he still can't believe he has this gig. So, I am officially a Carey's Cutie. I love that the audience has embraced him too and everyone wears t-shirts for him now saying things like: Bob who? We've got Drew! I especially love the prime-time Price Is Right on Friday evenings. While the show frustrates me because people rely way too much on the audience and they can't make a decision on their own, it's so cool to watch people win things and hilarious to watch them win things like snow mobiles. They smile because they have won something but they have that fake smile, like, I live in Florida - what am I going to do with a damn snow mobile. Cracks me up. After I bought my new car, I would run around saying "A NEW CAR" just like they do on the show. I liked his sitcom and I liked his version of Who's Line is it Anyway?

I'm also obsessed with the show Clean House. I have no idea why I like it other than I'm fascinated by what color flower the host Niecy Nash is going to match with her outfit that day. Besides filling the hours between the morning shows and then the afternoon talk shows is difficult. I don't watch soaps, although it is becoming tempting. I used to watch Days in college. And before that it was GH. Who didn't love GH when it was Luke and Laura and Scorpio? But I don't know if I want to make the committment to a soap as I feel once I cross that line I will never get a job. I'll be living with my mom, collecting unemployment watching soaps.

Anyway, the job hunt is not going well. Everything is taking forever and the odds of my being able to stay in my house, in my town are quite slim. So I've been selling some stuff on Craig's list - which is a bit scary as it can bring out the crazies. And doing some minor repairs to get it ready to sell.

So I'm off to watch my obsession, the Price is Right.

Shattered

I had a series of interviews on Thursday with a very large company in New Yersey. What seemed like a great idea at the time, of flying up and back for the interviews in one day, has turned into the most wrecked I've felt since the last time I was seriously wasted. I don't know why doing essentially nothing but sitting in a tin can for hours on end makes you so flipping tired, but it does. My flight up to New Yersey was actually early! Seriously! When is the last time you flew in to Newark and arrived 30 minutes early AND they had a gate for you?!!! NEVER! So I knew I was totally hosed for the flight home. After 4 back-to-back hour long interviews of having to be "on" for the day, I sat on the runway with a dog barking in the row behind me before we could take off. The fight, was of course delayed prior to the sitting on the runway part, so I didn't arrive home until like 1:30am. Bizarrely enough, as I was leaving my parking lot, the woman who was working the kiosk was the same lady that gave me my ticket that morning at the crack-o-flipping-dawn. I was like, we've both had long damn days.

I usually know how I've done, whether it's tests, interviews, you name it. I know in my gut if I've killed it or bombed it. But this time, I feel great about 2 of the interviews, good about 1 and decent about the last. So it could go either way which totally sucks. The are supposed to get back to me quickly, so at least I won't be on pins and needles forever.

Have two interivews on Monday, one with a big-wig of a company out California. The role would mean I would have to relo to L.A., not really ever a place I wanted to live. Seriously, how can anyone afford to live there? New Yersey is just as bad. It just sucks there aren't jobs in locations out in the middle of the country.

Since I've been spending all my time at home these days constantly looking for a job, I've been doing more "kravitzing" aka spying on my neighbors than usual. Today, I actually saw the bitchy neighbor catty-corner to me play with her kid for the first time in like 5 years! I was blown away. Usually she's screaming and yelling at them. She has a new boyfriend who now apparently has a key to the house - big doings. So I'm wondering when he will be moving in for good or she will sell and move with him.

I went to visit my mother recently and in her little podunk airport, I'm sitting waiting for my flight and guess who walks by? You won't guess, so I will tell you...Oliver flipping Stone! I know! WTF? Apparently he's filming there. Who knew?

You know how people say they've reached the end of the internet? I've reached the end of television. I've seen every show that is on TV. My only excitment is my tennis lessons are starting again next week. I had been working out since the new year. I gave up drinking the evil elixer of life called Diet Coke and was exercising every day - not so's you'd know it. But since the day I got word I was being "eliminated" I've been on a food and bev pity party from hell. No working out, guzzling DC like mad and eating whatever the hell I want. So, going back to tennis next week is going to suck because I'm a complete fat-ass and will probably hurl afterwards. Blech.

Long time no post

Hi there...so I'm officially unemployed, again. Laid off as of yesterday. I feel like I'm in a constant state of deja vu. For the last three years I have either been laid off or felt under the threat of a lay off. At this point, I can see the warning signs from miles away, but it doesn't make it any easier. To say I am disappointed is an understatement as I had such high hopes and aspirations for my latest role with my latest company. While this isn't my first time at the "dance" - looking for a job, it is, if it's at all possible, a worse market this year than the last two. And my town doesn't have a helluva lot to offer, so it seems I may be moving. Yes, in an even more awful real estate market.

So with that, I am frantically looking for a new job. My severance, such as it is, leaves a lot to be desired. I have to make some hard decisions and even when/if I make them, it doesn't mean they will go as planned.

For the new year I gave up drinking soda, I quickly fell off that bandwagon once I got word of my job being eliminated. That's right, I was whole hog crazy on the juice again. You can't stop me. I'm a soda loving queen! I needs me some D.C. and I needs it now. I had been working out again - not that you could tell but still - that too quickly fell by the wayside. Now that I've had my pity party, I will start working out again.

I have two solid leads on new opportunities. One that requires me to relocate and one that may not. So please send good thoughts my way.

For you Idol fantatics who saw the most recent performance of David Cook singing the Chris Cornell version of Michael Jackson's Billie Jean, thought you might be interested in hearing the real thing. Very reminiscent of the Foo Fighters covering Prince's Darling Nikki.