Won't You Be My Neighbor?

I'm so excited, I'm so excited, I'm so excited!!!! I think the techno freak neighbors are moving!!!!! Woot woot! My house, which faces north, is situated in such a manner that I am sort of the corner lot, but then you turn the corner and there are houses that are facing east. So, my techno freak neighbors and I have literally about 6 feet between their backyard and my bedroom!

When I first moved into my home I was very optimistic about neighbors. I have since learned that the idea of good neighbors is a joke. I have barely received so much as a wave from most of my neighbors. The neighbor on my west side is an elderly man who is now in a much need assisted living center - but ended up going kicking and screaming. He was also a "hoarder" and I believe the reason that I had the most GINORMOUS rat that decided to bless me with it and her babies death for Christmas last year right under my bathtub. Very Merry Christmas to me.

My neighbors directly across the street from me, the husband - aka The Criminal - does nothing but skateboard with his what looks like his step-son and his son all day long and they use my driveway and the "end game". I went over one time around new years to let them know they had left their car lights on. He answered the door and I said, hi, I'm your neighbor from across the street - as we had never been formally introduced. He says, yeah I know. Full Stop. Just stands there, no hey, nice to meet you. I barely get a wave from the wife. Happy New Year to me.

The woman and her kids that live next door to the Criminal is a complete and total B*tch. I don't believe I have ever seen the woman smile. She is also the woman who called the authorities on my old neighbor for not having his lawn manicured - he's freaking 82!!! I mow our joint side and the neighbor on the other side mowed their joint side! Seriously, cut the old man a break.

THEN! The neighbors behind me sat outside one summer and watched their boys throw a baseball back and forth across the lawn. It flew over our then crappy fence twice. And wouldn't you know it, but the third time, they broke a storm window. The woman was such a jerk about it. Told the son he would have to pay for it out of his allowance, to which the son replied, I don't get an allowance. Hee! They insisted on repairing the storm window themselves instead of my getting an estimate, etc. It took them the entire summer to get it done. I left 4 messages on their answering machine only to never have a returned call. One day I came home to find my storm window propped up against my front door. So when I had a new fence put in, as the old fence was mine to do with as I wished and just because they were using it too wasn't really my concern, I didn't bother to tell them when it was being demo'd. Oopey...too bad they had just gotten a new dog, so the man was out there late one night putting up a temporary fence.

I'm not saying I expected a freaking fruit basket or anything but a freaking wave or a smile wouldn't hurt! So, when the techno freaks moved in, I was all excited to prove I was a better neighbor than everyone. I made cookies and tried to bring them over to their home on 3 separate occasions but they were never there, until the night they had their celebratory move in party.

It was a school night and I had to be up at the crack of dawn the next morning to catch a flight to Europe. I knew I wasn't going to get much sleep anyway from being keyed up about the trip, but around 1am I was woken up to the sound of horrible techno music, tskugh tskugh tskugh. I laid there for a good hour trying to decide what to do. I grew up in military base housing or rented an apartment my entire life. Previously I would have just banged on the wall.

Now there is a city ordinance, but this isn't exactly a 911 issue and have you noticed how difficult it is to find the non-emergency police number? So I decided instead of calling the cops, I would go over and ask them to turn it down. There I go, in my Winnie the Pooh pajamas, to their front door. I ring the doorbell and to get in their home you have to step up - so when the guy answers, he's already taller than me as is most of the world, but he's at least a foot taller due to the step. Upon opening the storm door, a wave of smoke pours out of the home - and mostly your left handed variety smoke, wink wink, nudge nudge.

So I'm standing there in my PJs and introduce myself, Hi, I'm your new neighbor. I had hoped to meet under better circumstances, but my bedroom is literally 6 feet from your house, could you please turn the music down? I thought I was very nice and considerate...but that little episode did little to help our relationship.

Over the last 3 years, they've been pretty good about not playing their music too loud until recently. As well as they just got a puppy, who clearly doesn't need to be supervised whilst outside doing it's business. Clearly just the outdoor porch light that shines into my bedroom window suffices as company enough.

Needless to say, I'm not exactly top on the block party list. Tonight I'm driving home from grad school (another post) and I see a moving truck in front of their house! Woot woot!! But after my dance of joy and my rant, I'm sitting here thinking, you know sometimes it's better the devil you know than the devil you don't...God only knows who my new neighbors will be...I just hope they have better taste in music.