Settling

I tend to make snap judgements and decisions, especially about people. I think this comes from moving almost every year of my life growing up. You had to decide pretty quickly who was going to be your "best friend" that year. This process has led to some good decisions as well as some bad decisions as you can imagine.

But, I do think you can get an impression about a person pretty quickly. Recently I went out on 2 dates with this guy we'll call "D". D is very nice, around my age and divorced with no kids. As I've mentioned before, people have their own pace to dating, especially online dating. D was pretty quick to move things along and I'm pretty content to move things however the other person wishes.

So we went pretty quickly from IM'ing to calling and then to a date. The date was fun, but I wouldn't have called it "the best date I've ever had" to quote D. So we agree to go out again...in the mean time, I get IM'd and text messaged by him pretty regularly...to the point it became annoying. So for our second date, we were meeting for dinner. My day at work had been pretty bad and I wasn't feeling like I was going to be good company and almost considered canceling. But, I dislike it when people cancel at the last minute (see flaky friend who dumped me), so I went anyway. Also, this particular date was on a Monday, unlike the first date which was a Friday. I had a nice time, but when asked what I wanted to do after dinner, I said, well, it's a "school night" and after the day I've had I'm heading home. D was pretty annoyed and disappointed. So he pushed for date #3.

I had casually mentioned I was going to another city for work and he happened to be as well - oddly enough. So he wanted to get together while there...at this point, I'm feeling like I'm getting the full court press and getting a little freaked out by it. So, I said, no to meeting while out of town.

I was going to tell him I didn't want to see him anymore before I left, but my friends were telling me I should give him another chance or at least the week to think about it. So fine, I gave it the week to think about it - still same decision.

When I got back in town, felt fine all day Friday and then woke up late Friday night and felt like someone had been choking me...my throat hurt so bad and I was freezing yet sweating...lovely. I had also lost my voice. So I couldn't call D to say, you know, I'm not interested. Not exactly something I wanted to do via text message. But he kept texting me and calling me...I sent him a text saying lost my voice, ergo can't speak...but guess that wasn't sinking in.

So I ended up sending him an email. I don't want to waste his time or my time. I basically said, I think you are a great person and we do have a lot in common, but I don't feel there is any chemistry there. Which is a nice way of saying, when you kiss me it feels like I'm kissing my brother.

He wrote back and said fine, but he wasn't sure how you could tell there was no chemistry from only 2 dates. I'm thinking, I could tell from the first date but thought maybe I was being too harsh.

But wouldn't you rather have someone tell you this now and not a month from now? I'm not saying that I think every relationship has to start out with thunderbolts and rainbows, but I do believe there has to be some type of connection, some topsy turvy feeling in the pit of your stomach.

The older I get the more set in my ways I become and maybe I am destined to be alone, but I'd rather be alone than settle for someone just because he's "nice".