Reprogram

I got my new DVR box today. But of course I now have to remember everything I watch, which channel it comes on, what time...all the things I never have to remember because I have DVR!!!! What if I forget something major?! I suppose I can watch it online. There are all these cool gadgets now, sling boxes where you can watch your DVR programs on your computer. Now I hear you can have them sent to your handheld device too. I wish I had that when I used to travel all the time for work. I wish I had work. I'm so bored and feel so boring. The drudgery of looking for a job, the stress of keeping my house spotless for any random showing is killing me. I don't want to go out because I don't want to spend money. So I'm sort of stuck and the only thing I've achieved these days is managing to get carpel tunnel in my right arm.

DVR is now dead

My DVR has died. The funeral is on Monday when the repairman comes to bring me a new one. I'm devastated. I was stacking up all the episodes of CSI to have a marathon this weekend. Anything I try to DVR shows up in pixalated format. At first I thought it was just that day/time period, but no, it's dying. I suppose it's past time. The menu doesn't really work. Sure I can see what is on, but I can't see anything more than that. Plus the remote-y has been dropped so many times that it now makes noise when you pick it up. I should have replaced it long ago.

I feel like I've gone back to the dark ages. I may as well just watch network tv. Seriously, I don't recall a time I didn't watch tv in DVR. What do you mean I can't fast forward? I'm so bored. It's a beautiful day. I should be outside, doing what I don't know. I mowed the lawn last night and had my first serious asthma attack. It sucked - literally. I couldn't catch my breathe, had to use my inhaler like 4 times. I have no idea what triggered it. It's not the first time I've mowed the lawn, but it was the first time I had to stop over and over again.

Picture me, sucking wind.

Dryer Tubes

I hate showering. Why does it take forever to get in, wet yourself down, lather up, rinse off, shave, wash hair, cream rinse hair? And why do I have to do it everyday? Well, actually I don't do it everyday, much to most people's dismay. I should clarify, I really just hate washing my hair. I do try to shower daily (emphasis on try), I just don't wash my hair daily...maybe every 3 or 4 days. I have two old lady shower caps that I rotate. Very sexy. See, I have long hair, but I have a lot of hair. It's very fine textured, but there is a ton of it. It takes FOREVER to dry. I don't like blowing my hair out everyday because I color my hair and the constant blowing makes it brittle and dry. But it's been so flipping cold here for so long, I can't just wait around and air dry my hair. Back when I had a job that would have been unprofessional to show up with a wet head. I'm too chubby to cut it short. I love short hair, but right now that's not a possibility.

I just hate dealing with all the grooming. I can't stand it. After I shower, I have to lube up with lotions and deodorant. I hate the taste of toothpaste, I can't stand brushing my teeth because I swear at least once a week (because I'm a clumsy loser) the brush slips and I stab myself in the little piece of skin under my tongue that connects it to my jaw. Thereby rendering me speechless with a burning mouth full of toothpaste. I hate flossing. But after years of living in Japan where they let their children's teeth rot out of their heads, I'm quite obsessed with keeping my teeth healthy - in spite of hating what I have to do to keep them that way.

My entire of goal of every weekend, which is now essentially endless as I'm unemployed, was to stay in my pajamas and not bathe. I wake up whenever I want to, watch TV in bed until I must get up to go potty, then shuffle to the sofa to watch more TV and look for a job on the Internet. There I sit until I shuffle back to bed to take a nap, then shuffle back to the sofa to catch late afternoon/evening programs.

I'm so lazy. I love clutter. I love being sloppy. I love to wallow. So I hate having to keep my house in "show-mode". No dishes "soaking" in the sink. No clothes strewn all over my guest bed. No mail and paperwork stacked on the kitchen counters. No food set out on the counter tops or on top of the fridge. But the one thing I especially hate is making my bed. Seriously, of all the stupid things. I'm just going to climb back into it either for a nap or for the night.

Remember on Seinfeld when he and George talked about wanting to know where are the flying cars? I don't want to know where the flying cars are, I want to know where my instant drying tube is after I shower. I want to know where my Rosie the Robot is to clean my house. I have a Roomba, but she can't be out these days due to show mode, so what is the point? Where is my automatic food maker? Where is my automatic laundry folder and put-er away-er? Who cares about flying cars. Just means gas prices will go up even more. I want my dryer tube.

Slow Down

Things have really slowed down for me with the job search. I'm in the waiting game. I hate waiting. I feel like it's all hurry-up and wait. I'm so ready (finally) just to move on. I have been trying to psych myself up about moving by looking at houses in potential new locations on realtor.com. I love to look at the photos and try to figure out what I would do with the various homes. My plan (when/if I ever sell my current home) would be to do something similar, buy a starter home and do some renovations to turn it into what I want. I would love to build, but who can afford it? I can't.

I'm really hoping things pick up for me in the near future as one of the largest employers in my city is about to do another round of layoffs, which means more competition for jobs as well as more homes going on the market. Meanwhile I keep hoping I'll win the lotto.

TV Madness

I watch a lot of television. A lot. I think I've seen almost everything on TV. I have now watched so much tv that I have started to notice a few interesting things about some of the reality TV shows - and not just your Survivor type reality TV shows, but shows on HGTV and Bravo.

Recently since I've been laid off I started watching Clean House on Style. Love that Niecy Nash. They did an episode with a couple named Dave and Miriam. Miriam was not a nice woman on the show. I didn't like her. Turns out not only were they on Clean House to get rid of their clutter and to score free stuff, they also had their wedding done by Design on a Dime! Talk about pimping yourself out!

THEN! I was watching an episode of HGTV's Designed to Sell the other day and a random carpenter named Greg showed up who looked an awful like the new trainer on Bravo's WorkOut - IT IS!




Are there seriously not enough people in the world who want to be on TV that we are now recycling our so called reality TV stars?

I Quit

That's right, I quit my retail job. After 3 days of killing myself and doing some higher math, I realized that I make more money by sitting at home collecting unemployment than I do by hobbling around fitting women for bras.

Had two great interviews today. One company wants to fly me out to interview in person. I've had a few home showings recently and have a broker showing tomorrow.

I'm hoping things are looking up for me. Fingers crossed!

My Dogs Are Barking

Retail is a young girls game. My feet hurt so bad. I'm so NOT used to standing and running around for hours on end. My first day and I only worked 4 hours and I'm exhausted! Tomorrow I have to work for 6 hours and seriously after the first 3 today I was counting the minutes.

I find women hilarious. I had women ask me to help them with fit their bras. Now I have been measured for my fit before and I have no problem with that. But no, she wanted me to come in the dressing room and check the fit after she had it on. I mean, we all have the same parts, two eggs sunny side up, but I just felt a bit uncomfortable. I was like, how does it feel and she was like fine. I said, well, it looks good...was she expecting me to feel her up? I have no idea.

Then, I love it when people come in with something specific in mind. Do you have an avocado colored shirt made of lace? Are you HIGH?! No, I'm sorry we don't. Do you have a men's style button down shirt? No, but I'm sure the men's department in the big store on the end of the mall does. If you want a man's shirt, go buy one, we only sell women's clothes.

My favorite phrase working retail is when a customer says to you, "I'll let you...". OOooohh, you'll let me fit your bra for you? You'll let me hang up all the clothes you left on the floor? I feel so priviledged.

Anyway, in spite of my whining, I really enjoyed it. The ladies are nice and it's really just like shopping. I also get a SWEET discount right now, so even if I don't work there very long, I get like 55% off!! I'm SO taking advantage of that even if I am laid off and broke. I will get a job and I will need fun new clothes, so there!

Highs and Lows

This posting is going to be a bit disjointed as my thoughts are pretty scattered...please bear with me.

Tomorrow I fly out to interview at another company. Last time I did that I flew in and out in the same day and that's what I'm doing again tomorrow. Ugh. I'm hoping I don't get home at 2am again. I still haven't received my ticket information from the company...I guess if worst comes to worse, I'll show up at the counter tomorrow an hour before the flight (they at least told me the times) and see what happens. Last time I went up and back in one day I only brought a change of shoes and I was miserable going home because the flight was so delayed, etc. I'm trying to decide if I should bring sweats or something.

I start my new job on Friday. I'm pretty excited. I'm sure I'll be exhausted. I haven't worked retail since college.

5 months after my car wreck, in which the kid rear-ended me and did not have car insurance, after a court date and months of waiting, I just got my reimbursement from the kid for my deductible!!! Woo hoo!!! Couldn't have come at a better time!

I had my first home show yesterday. I wish I knew what the person and the realtor thought of my home. It's my baby. I obviously think it's a fantastic home, but no idea what others may think of it.

Did I mention that throughout all my craziness of being unemployed and putting my house on the market, I managed to still pull an "A" in statistics?!!! Statistics!!! I know! Insane! Perhaps it goes to show what a crappy program I'm in but I'm still so proud! I, solely, wrote our teams final stats paper! Now I'm marketing and after marketing I only have 3 more classes to go! They are all mostly BS type classes, I can't believe I made it through accounting, econ, finance AND stats!!! I'm so happy I'm almost done! All my remaining classes are 6 week classes and they are hopefully just going to fly by! My last class ends on October 3 and I will seriously be partying that weekend!

It's been a tumultuous two years of change. I'm tired of change and ready to move on.

Win free stuff!

That's right! I'm pimping the following blog: Chop. Stir. Mix.

Go here and win free stuff!

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On another note, I'm very excited to say that I was just hired on the SPOT for a retail job at the mall! I wasn't even planning to speak with the manager. I look like complete ass: no makeup, casual clothes, hair up in a clip...I was just going to drop off the application. The manager came up, we chatted and she said, "when can you start?". If only every other job I've applied for these days ended the same way!

So I have some interviews this week and I'm starting a job on Friday! I have something to do! Somewhere to go! Some worth! Some value! AND - A DISCOUNT!!!! :)

It's the Plumber, I've come to fix the sink

I had to have a plumber come out today to fix my kitchen sink. I have done some minor repairs on my home myself. I was so proud, I even re-grouted tile! But I was too intimidated by the sink - and good thing I didn't do anything as he had to practically take the entire thing apart and put it back together.

So I've started applying for retail jobs to see if I can get a part time job. It's odd. I feel like I'm in the perpetual "weekend" state of mind. I feel like every morning I'm going to wake up and this will be a dream and I'll have a job to go to. It's hard to say I'm unemployed. It's hard to say I've been laid off. I know I wasn't fired, but it really doesn't feel like it. I've lost so much self-confidence and self-worth. I know it's not smart to have my entire identity wrapped around a job, but it is so much of who I am.

I keep thinking about what someone said, that maybe corporate america isn't the place for me...but where is the place for me? I keep trying to figure out if money was no object and I could do and be anything I wanted to in the world, what would it be...I have no idea. I thought I had a plan, getting my MBA, going back into HR. Now I just don't know.

It's easier to know what I don't want. I know I don't want to own my own business. I know I don't want to work retail, I know I don't want to be teacher again (at least right now)...obviously I could go on...I really just don't know what to do anymore. I'm open to suggestions.

Close House

I had my first open house on Sunday. I'm not a believer in open houses when selling. When I was looking to buy a home, I never went to open houses. I didn't want to look at homes with other people fighting to get into rooms, etc. So low and behold not a single damn person showed up at my open house. I killed myself to get everything ready for the showing - mowing the lawn, etc, only to have no one show. Not even a flipping nosy neighbor?!! When I drove home one of my neighbors had taken a flyer and then she and a few other neighbors stood outside pointing at my house gossiping. Lovely.

THEN! To top it all off! My realtor set her purse down on my baker's rack and a bottle of wine fell off due to her setting her purse down and the bottle broke a clay pot of mine! This pot is called a nabe pot and I shelped that thing back from Japan. A friend of mine in Japan gave it to me for my birthday and I use it ALL THE TIME!!! I'm so upset. Seriously! What the hell! Keep your damn purse in your car! What do you need at an open house, your flipping cell phone and your keys, that's it! She writes me a note and says she'll replace it...I don't even know if I can replace it! Is she goign to fly one over from Japan?!

So I'm totally stressed out and freaked out. The companies that I speak with love me, but then they tell me they can no longer hire externally. The economy sucks. Now I won't be able to sell my house. All I want to do is lay in bed all day long and I can't do that on the off chance someone wants to see my house. WHATEVER. I'm so depressed.

Procrastination

One of my many talents is procrastinating. I am supposed to be "decluttering" my house to put it on the market and I don't want to. It's not like I have to pack the entire place up yet, but I just really don't want to do it. I guess it is the reality of decluttering that makes me realize I have to sell my house and start over somewhere.

I hate moving. Growing up we moved almost every year. I am a complete and total clutter bug. I LOVE my stuff and I like to have my stuff around me at all times. I don't like having to start over. I put my heart and soul into my home, from decorating, to renovating and more. It's my sanctuary - probably too much of one at times, but I love it.

I'm really scared about the future and the unknown. This latest experience of being laid off has completely sucked. I feel so helpless and out of control of my own life. There are days I just want to lay in bed and pull the covers over my head. I feel like people think I'm a big slacker and that I am not trying to find a job. It's frustrating when I talk with some people, especially old colleagues who say things like, oh I would love to have the time off - as if I'm on holiday. Clearly I'm out shopping all day long.

I've been lucky not to have to really worry about bills when I have a job. I'm not used to clipping coupons and having to make life decisions at the gas pump. With prices going up all over, it's scary to try to figure out how I'm going to make ends meet. I'm completely depressed. It's hard to keep my spirits up.

I think it's just really difficult as I'm doing all of this on my own. I don't mean to say that I'm alone, as I have my family and friends, but the decisions I make, right or wrong, are mine and mine alone to live with. This time last year, I thought I was making the right decision to take a new job...less than a year later, I'm unemployed. I still think it was the right decision at the time, but with hindsight being 20/20, it's hard not to second guess yourself.

You always hope you are making the right decisions. But what is right at the time may not end up being right in the future. I hate the uncertainty and the unknown. So I'm procrastinating so as to put off reality. Everything is changing and I don't know if those changes are for the better.

Clean Sheets

I've been working pretty hard to get my house in shape to sell. Since I'm exercising my inner domestic goddess I put clean sheets on the bed last night. The rule in my house is if you have clean sheets, you must have a clean body. What is it about clean sheets? I guess it's similar to pulling on jeans straight from the dryer in winter.

Update on my job search: well as I'm about to sell my home, it's not looking good. I am waiting to hear back from a company that flew me out to interview a little over 2 weeks ago. I hate waiting. The pickings are slim out there. More and more companies are laying people off. The economy seems like it's on a continuous downward spiral. The only bonus in my being laid off is not having to make the awful commute that I had as the price of gas is ridiculous as well as the bridge I used to cross the river is now under construction for the next 3 years.

Well, I'm off to watch the Price is Right.

Here Kitty Kitty

I love cats. I didn't grow up with cats, but I always wanted one. When I lived in Japan there was a stray that hung out at my friend's apartment. We named him Fat Paul. For a while we didn't see Fat Paul and were worried something had happened to him...he showed up a few months later looking worse for the wear and had become known as Skinny Paul.

When I moved to the heartland, I got two cats. One passed away and about 18 months later I decided Schmoopie needed a playmate, so I got Little Man. It is now almost 18 months since Little Man joined the family and he and Schmoopie are finally getting along...for the most part.

I have contemplated getting a third cat, however, I feel that would make me the scary crazy cat lady and have resisted. I have also resisted as it was so difficult getting Schmoopie and Little Man to like each other, I can't go through that again.

I saw this video and thought it was pretty hilarious as I too use the corporal cuddling method of punishing my cats - they hate it when I smoosh them and kiss them...yet they always seem to come back for more.

For Sale

As things are not going well with my job hunt, I've decided to move forward and put my house on the market. I'm totally bummed out as I L.O.V.E. my house. I have had a TON of work done on it and it is my cocoon. My realtor claims it will sell quickly even in this tragic of a market. I'm not sure what his definition of quickly is...most of my friends who've sold their homes (similar price ranges) have taken 5 - 6 months. I could probably stick it out for another few months...I don't know. I'm starting to FREAK out. The job market sucks and the housing market is worse. So please send positive thoughts my way.

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Okay, on another note, I'm a bit outraged by the Pope's comments regarding those molested by priests basically blaming it on US society's character! AND he "laments" US injustices against Black people and Indian people. Yes, I lament that as well, however does the Pope lament the Catholic Church's role in the Spanish Inquisition?! I'm positive we are not the only country to have priests taking advantage of boys and girls! At least today he finally met with the victims of abuse - which was not supposed to happen.

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So on a more positive note, I have managed to sell a few things lately. It makes me feel good to get rid of stuff, but also to potentially make a little money. I've never done a garage/tag/yard sale (whatever you call it in your world). I'm not sure if I like the idea of doing one. It seems like a ton of work for little profit, unless Niecy Nash from Clean House was running it! I'll probably just give more stuff to Goodwill.

Obsessions

I'm spending a considerable amount of time watching television these days. I know you are thinking how is that different from before? Well, let me explain, now I get to watch daytime TV because I have wireless and I can look for jobs while sitting in front of the TV. I definintely have a routine now.

I have to watch GMA in the morning. Followed by Regis & Kelly only because my other options suck. I can't stand Racheal Ray and I hate the Today show. I watch Regis & Kelly to fill the hour until my favorite daytime show, the Price is Right, comes on. I am so in love with Drew Carey. I think whoever cast him as Barker's replacement was a fricking genius! He is the anti-Barker. He wants everyone to win and is so funny. Sometimes I think he still can't believe he has this gig. So, I am officially a Carey's Cutie. I love that the audience has embraced him too and everyone wears t-shirts for him now saying things like: Bob who? We've got Drew! I especially love the prime-time Price Is Right on Friday evenings. While the show frustrates me because people rely way too much on the audience and they can't make a decision on their own, it's so cool to watch people win things and hilarious to watch them win things like snow mobiles. They smile because they have won something but they have that fake smile, like, I live in Florida - what am I going to do with a damn snow mobile. Cracks me up. After I bought my new car, I would run around saying "A NEW CAR" just like they do on the show. I liked his sitcom and I liked his version of Who's Line is it Anyway?

I'm also obsessed with the show Clean House. I have no idea why I like it other than I'm fascinated by what color flower the host Niecy Nash is going to match with her outfit that day. Besides filling the hours between the morning shows and then the afternoon talk shows is difficult. I don't watch soaps, although it is becoming tempting. I used to watch Days in college. And before that it was GH. Who didn't love GH when it was Luke and Laura and Scorpio? But I don't know if I want to make the committment to a soap as I feel once I cross that line I will never get a job. I'll be living with my mom, collecting unemployment watching soaps.

Anyway, the job hunt is not going well. Everything is taking forever and the odds of my being able to stay in my house, in my town are quite slim. So I've been selling some stuff on Craig's list - which is a bit scary as it can bring out the crazies. And doing some minor repairs to get it ready to sell.

So I'm off to watch my obsession, the Price is Right.

Shattered

I had a series of interviews on Thursday with a very large company in New Yersey. What seemed like a great idea at the time, of flying up and back for the interviews in one day, has turned into the most wrecked I've felt since the last time I was seriously wasted. I don't know why doing essentially nothing but sitting in a tin can for hours on end makes you so flipping tired, but it does. My flight up to New Yersey was actually early! Seriously! When is the last time you flew in to Newark and arrived 30 minutes early AND they had a gate for you?!!! NEVER! So I knew I was totally hosed for the flight home. After 4 back-to-back hour long interviews of having to be "on" for the day, I sat on the runway with a dog barking in the row behind me before we could take off. The fight, was of course delayed prior to the sitting on the runway part, so I didn't arrive home until like 1:30am. Bizarrely enough, as I was leaving my parking lot, the woman who was working the kiosk was the same lady that gave me my ticket that morning at the crack-o-flipping-dawn. I was like, we've both had long damn days.

I usually know how I've done, whether it's tests, interviews, you name it. I know in my gut if I've killed it or bombed it. But this time, I feel great about 2 of the interviews, good about 1 and decent about the last. So it could go either way which totally sucks. The are supposed to get back to me quickly, so at least I won't be on pins and needles forever.

Have two interivews on Monday, one with a big-wig of a company out California. The role would mean I would have to relo to L.A., not really ever a place I wanted to live. Seriously, how can anyone afford to live there? New Yersey is just as bad. It just sucks there aren't jobs in locations out in the middle of the country.

Since I've been spending all my time at home these days constantly looking for a job, I've been doing more "kravitzing" aka spying on my neighbors than usual. Today, I actually saw the bitchy neighbor catty-corner to me play with her kid for the first time in like 5 years! I was blown away. Usually she's screaming and yelling at them. She has a new boyfriend who now apparently has a key to the house - big doings. So I'm wondering when he will be moving in for good or she will sell and move with him.

I went to visit my mother recently and in her little podunk airport, I'm sitting waiting for my flight and guess who walks by? You won't guess, so I will tell you...Oliver flipping Stone! I know! WTF? Apparently he's filming there. Who knew?

You know how people say they've reached the end of the internet? I've reached the end of television. I've seen every show that is on TV. My only excitment is my tennis lessons are starting again next week. I had been working out since the new year. I gave up drinking the evil elixer of life called Diet Coke and was exercising every day - not so's you'd know it. But since the day I got word I was being "eliminated" I've been on a food and bev pity party from hell. No working out, guzzling DC like mad and eating whatever the hell I want. So, going back to tennis next week is going to suck because I'm a complete fat-ass and will probably hurl afterwards. Blech.

Long time no post

Hi there...so I'm officially unemployed, again. Laid off as of yesterday. I feel like I'm in a constant state of deja vu. For the last three years I have either been laid off or felt under the threat of a lay off. At this point, I can see the warning signs from miles away, but it doesn't make it any easier. To say I am disappointed is an understatement as I had such high hopes and aspirations for my latest role with my latest company. While this isn't my first time at the "dance" - looking for a job, it is, if it's at all possible, a worse market this year than the last two. And my town doesn't have a helluva lot to offer, so it seems I may be moving. Yes, in an even more awful real estate market.

So with that, I am frantically looking for a new job. My severance, such as it is, leaves a lot to be desired. I have to make some hard decisions and even when/if I make them, it doesn't mean they will go as planned.

For the new year I gave up drinking soda, I quickly fell off that bandwagon once I got word of my job being eliminated. That's right, I was whole hog crazy on the juice again. You can't stop me. I'm a soda loving queen! I needs me some D.C. and I needs it now. I had been working out again - not that you could tell but still - that too quickly fell by the wayside. Now that I've had my pity party, I will start working out again.

I have two solid leads on new opportunities. One that requires me to relocate and one that may not. So please send good thoughts my way.

For you Idol fantatics who saw the most recent performance of David Cook singing the Chris Cornell version of Michael Jackson's Billie Jean, thought you might be interested in hearing the real thing. Very reminiscent of the Foo Fighters covering Prince's Darling Nikki.

People

The End

I'm thinking about closing down my blog for a variety of reasons, but the biggest one being that I have nothing to say these days. I have a gag order on work related issues, my friends and family read this blog (not that I would EVER say anything bad about any of you!) and really I'm just lazy.

School is stupid. I have my Econ final on Friday night and then I start Innovative Business Thinking on Saturday. I have to read this stupid book called How to Think Like Da Vinci...well, it put me to sleep. I'm thinking like him alright - he's dead and has no thoughts and now I don't either!

One of my new colleagues is trying to get me to get back into the dating scene...if only I could meet someone while playing Wii at home...oh well. We'll see.

So...you may not hear from me for a while, but that's not really new either. Basically I'm feeling boring and redundant.